My Indigenous Life

Last night, I had the privilege of spending an evening with Elaine Alec—a powerful voice and changemaker in our Indigenous communities. For those who may not know her, Elaine is a respected author, speaker, and advocate from the Syilx and Secwépemc Nations. She dedicates her work to uplifting Indigenous voices, guiding communities through healing, and fostering understanding and reconciliation.

So much of what Elaine shared resonated deeply with me. She spoke openly about her parents, acknowledging both the light and the dark, and it made me reflect on my own parents – their successes, their struggles, and the demons that have shaped my life.

As Indigenous people, we carry so much generational and cumulative trauma, often intensified by life on reserve. Sometimes, we put each other through so much pain, not always realizing how these cycles repeat. Elaine spoke about how we often live in the parts of our brain wired for fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. We live in the “there and then.” That hit home for me.

But what gave me hope was Elaine’s reminder that we have the power to live in the “here and now.” With compassion, understanding, education, and patience, we can move beyond survival mode and step into a place of healing, growth, and possibility. When we truly see the humanness in one another and create a sense of belonging, we offer each other a safe space – a foundation where we can become our best selves.

I shared a bit about my own journey. I grew up with a father who was both a navy man and a remarkable Indigenous leader – a man I idolized. Yet, behind his strength were wounds and demons he never spoke of, never healed from. My mother, who lived with paranoia, schizophrenia, and bipolar disorder, was someone I could never share love with – not for lack of trying, but because I simply didn’t know how. She scared me, and for a long time, I hated her for that.

At 17, I left home after learning I was going to have a son. I was living with my father then, and I thought distance would bring freedom and safety for us both. Both my parents have since passed, and years later, I returned home hoping things would be different. I rebuilt my life, my home, and my relationships with my family. So much had changed, yet in the dark corners, I found the shadows of the past still lingered.

My community has lifted me up in ways I never expected. Coming home, I found strength in our traditions, in the way we gather, share stories, and support each other through both the everyday and the extraordinary. I’ve been surrounded by people who have shown me kindness, generosity, and resilience – reminding me of the beauty of our culture and the power of community. Of course, it hasn’t always been easy. I’ve also been hurt and dragged down by some I once admired, including leaders I looked up to. Trauma has left its cold fingerprints on my relationships, my choices, and the direction of my life. But even in the shadows, I see light.

Lately, I find myself reflecting on how we can nurture safe places, both within our community and within ourselves. I’ve lived alongside four generations of my family, and even though my family line may end with my children, my greatest hope is that in another four generations, we will be a happy, healthy, and prosperous nation. Life on reserve can be a sanctuary from the outside world – a place where our children run freely and safely, elders share wisdom from a past filled with so much love and joy, and there is the quiet comfort of being surrounded by people who understand where you come from. There’s hope here – hope that with each generation, we move closer to healing, strength, and prosperity.

I am grateful for spaces like last night, and for people like Elaine who speak truth and invite us to reflect, heal, and move forward together.

I would love to hear from you. Have you had moments of reflection sparked by community gatherings or the wisdom of others? How has your own journey of healing and belonging unfolded? Please feel free to share your thoughts or stories in the comments below—your voice is welcome here. ❤️