My Indigenous Life

Sunday Reflections

Lately, I’ve been reflecting deeply on love, relationships, and the weight of intergenerational and cumulative trauma. These aren’t isolated struggles – they’re much broader than we often realize. Trauma affects more people than we think, even those who seem to have escaped its grasp. Sometimes, it’s not immediately visible, but it manifests in subtle ways – in behaviors, in fears, in patterns we can’t seem to break.

Living on a reserve, it’s especially challenging to step out of unhealthy mindsets and into healthier ones. The journey feels daunting, unforgiving even. It’s as though certain struggles – like addiction and trauma – are ingrained in our reality, almost expected of us. And because of that, it’s so easy to accept them as unchangeable. But to break free requires real work – heartbreaking, painful, yet deeply transformative work. It’s work that’s worth doing. Healing ourselves is worth it.

When it comes to relationships, though, the challenge grows even more complex. Bringing trauma and addiction into a relationship guarantees that it won’t be as healthy as it could be. I’ve had to confront this in my own life. I’ve worked hard to heal, growing up surrounded by the shadows of drugs, alcohol, abuse. I’ve never done drugs, started drinking only at 35, and now I don’t drink at all. I thought I’d escaped the grip of those struggles, healed from my abuse. But in relationships, I see how the residue of those experiences still lingers – in my insecurities, my fear of abandonment, my tendency to walk on eggshells to avoid feeling unloved or alone or to trigger something unwanted.

For a long time, I believed that if I just loved my partner unconditionally, it would be enough. I thought my healing and my love could help heal them too. I told myself, “I’ll love you through this. I’ll be there for you. I won’t abandon you. I won’t judge you.” But sometimes, love isn’t enough. No matter how much you give, it can’t fix someone else’s pain or heal their wounds. They have to do that work themselves.

I’ve learned that holding on too tightly, even out of love, can make it harder for someone to face their own struggles. And so, I’ve had to make the heartbreaking decision to gather all the love I was pouring out and put it back into myself. To let go. To hope that I made the right choice. To focus on filling myself up with the love I so freely gave.

There’s a saying, “Love conquers all.” But I’ve come to realize that it’s not always true. Love alone can’t conquer trauma or addiction. Healing is a personal journey, one we each have to walk ourselves. And sometimes, the greatest act of love is letting go – not just for them, but for yourself.