My Indigenous Life

My Journey Through Love and Its Eventual Collapse

Love is a journey filled with highs and lows, and sometimes, even the relationships we cherish most don’t turn out the way we hoped. I recently shared a connection with someone I believed was my forever. We had dreams, plans, and a deep bond that I thought could withstand anything. But as time went on, the cracks in our relationship began to show, and our love story took a turn I never expected.

At 51, this is only the second serious relationship I’ve had in my life, and I’ll admit, I may not know how to navigate this kind of heartbreak correctly. I’ve spent countless hours reading, reflecting, and trying to communicate to better understand and heal. I wanted us to grow, to overcome, to be stronger as a couple. But healing is a journey that requires two willing hearts, and in hindsight, I see now that perhaps I was trying to force something that wasn’t ready to unfold. Sometimes, even your best efforts are not enough.

The turning point came when communication became a puzzle itself and the ex became a part of the picture again – a betrayal that shattered the trust we had built and left me questioning everything. In both my relationships this has happened, and it leaves a hole in your heart that’s hard to describe. It also leaves behind insecurities, making you wonder why you weren’t enough, what you could have done differently, and why you weren’t chosen. It’s a painful cycle of self-doubt that I wouldn’t wish on anyone.

This experience has left me hesitant to even consider a third relationship. The fear of striking out again feels overwhelming. They say it takes five years to truly get over someone you deeply loved, and that statistic is a scary one – especially as I’m only getting older. The thought of carrying this heartache for years is daunting, but I also know that heartbreak, as painful as it is, is temporary. It’s a storm that doesn’t last forever.

Letting go of the relationship and the future I had envisioned has been one of the most painful experiences of my life. It’s a grief that doesn’t just come from losing a person but from losing the dreams we shared, the plans we made, and the belief that this was my forever. But as I navigate this heartache, I’m also learning to rebuild myself. I’m learning that it’s okay to let go of something that no longer serves you, even if it hurts. I’m learning that I deserve a love that is whole, honest, and secure.

This chapter of my life has been a storm, but I know that storms clear the way for new beginnings, for growth, and for a deeper connection with myself. If there’s one thing I’ve taken from this journey, it’s that healing isn’t something you can force – on yourself or anyone else. It’s a process that unfolds in its own time, and sometimes, the best thing you can do is step back and let it happen.

To anyone going through heartache, betrayal, or the loss of a relationship you thought would last forever: I see you, I feel your pain, and I want you to know that you’re not alone. It’s okay to grieve, to feel the weight of it all, and to take your time. But don’t forget – this pain is temporary, and on the other side of it is a stronger, wiser, and more resilient version of you.

Thank you for allowing me to share this piece of my journey. Writing about it is part of my healing, and I hope that in some way, it helps you feel seen in yours. I will be posting some lessons learned and things I see in hindsight, and I hope that it will offer comfort, guidance, or even just a sense of solidarity to those navigating their own heartache. Healing is never a straight path, but by sharing our stories, we remind each other that we’re not alone. ❤️